Aug 25, 2005

Dirty Details

When I came back from Australia, silverine asked me to give the dirty details. Many posts hence, since I've got nothing better to talk about, I'll give you one especially dirty detail.
I would not have told it to you then... but I guess it's ok now. I won't go back there again... I'm sure the past will not catch up on me again!

That morning our rounds were scheduled in the early morning session. That meant we had to catch the CityRail at 7:10am. As luck would have it, we woke up at only around 6:40am. It was a time for sacrifices and I wholeheartedly sacrificed the cold-shower to my team-mates. My sacrifice just about did the trick and we ran into the 7:10 CityRail just as the doors were closing. Whew!

After a very good morning session, we started feeling hungry (breakfast was another sacrifice we made). We went to a nice place called Australia Square where we had the Sydney kind of breakfast. Halfway through the hamburger, my stomach reminded me that there was one another thing I sacrificed early morning... My mandatory biological waste disposal! The pressure was enormous (heavy supper the night before) and I had to do something!

Not to worry! After all this was Australia, where cleanliness is a way of life! That meant the public toilets were also bound to be clean (contrasted from Pay and Use ones in Rlwy Stations in India)! So I made my way to the sign for gents toilet (swear, didn't glance at the open ladies' door), smiling at everyone (they all seemed so accomplished) on the way.
I opened the door and lo and behold, the king among toilets I'd ever seen! Spirits rising, I opened a cubicle and sat down to bliss!
(I'll leave you guys to imagine what bliss could've been!)

Now comes the dirtiest part of the story! I finish my task and look around for water to clean myself. Horror of Horrors! Terror of Terrors! There isn't any water anywhere, except under me! The horrible truth dawned upon me! This was Australia, where people didn't like water the way we did in Kerala! They'd rather not get wet, what with the cold climate and all! Precisely for this purpose them westerners (aquaphobics) had invented the Tissue Paper!

My eyes searching desperately, fell upon a roll of this thing, Tissue Paper! No... Oh no! There has to be another way! Maybe I could just rush out and get myself some water from the basin outside! Not that... Don't wanna get caught with my pants down in Australia! Another way... another way... Give up!

I reluctantly submitted myself to the imperialists' designs and wiped myself with the tissue paper. I tidy myself and come out of the cubicle. All ok, except for the dirty, slimy, sticky, sleazy feeling in between my legs! It gives chills up my legs! It affects the way I walk! I'm all self-conscious and unsmiling as I open the door... I walk the corridor out, the guy who's got a world of trouble between his legs... an odd one out in a place where others come with troubled stomachs and leave with a sense of blissful accomplishment!

I reach the end of the corridor (jumping to avoid the open door at the ladies'), and as the noise of the crowd hit me, there in the middle of all those foreigners in Down Under, I realized i had another reason to be proud of my country... We've got water in our toilets!

And hey, my stomach wasn't troubling me anymore! That's what mattered after all! I'd achieved what my teammates could never dream of achieving! That's Padayatty! I gain the accomplished look that missed me on the corridor! I smile!



P.S. I did the same thing two more times in different places in Sydney and one time on the aeroplane! I believe I can venture to call myself an expert 'tissue culturist'!

18 comments:

silverine said...

Ha ha ha ha gross, absolutely gross.

Wish I had not asked for the dirty details :))

Next time I keep my mouth shut LOL

>|' ; '| said...

padayatty, auzzies dont seem to know how to efficiently use water and save the trees(out of which the tissues were made from!)

@ silverine - plz refrain from inspiring padayatty!

Angel said...

hmmmmm
I wish I knew what to say here....
very errr...amusing story...in a gross way...

ok I'll stop.
[P.S:If u wanted things to write about, you had a tag pending, remember? :P]

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Jiby said...

haha...lol...water,water everywhere but not a drop to...!!!
i have got used to this by now but i still use water at home(infact a combo of tisse and water!)...for backward and forward compatibility...as i dont want to go back to india and ask the question most amru colleagues put to me..."how can you guys not be using tissue"! I am itching to ask... "how can u guys not be using water"! But lack the guts bcoz i think they will run when they see dirty jiby...if i ask that question! Well...thats the clash of cultures...Neil, this wuz a superb post!

darren fletcher said...

Cool Blog da.Well i was faced with similiar situuation down here when i came first .But once can u believe after battainig the bliss u mentioned i looked around for the tizzzue paper and couldnt find one .Imagine this is just another developed country.How i managed myself is the X factor of the great guy "Myself".

Adarsh A. Varghese said...

Well, the sacrifice Parth and I did as your teammates was walking along with you bearing your obnoxious odour all the while!

Hey, you were really great as a team-mate down under!

Neil Padayatty said...

@silverine - You inspire me!
@poison - You got that right!
@angel - Thank you! And the tag will go on!
@jiby - I really wanted to know what you would have to say on this post. Well, that puts me at ease!
@Darren Fletcher - That's just horrible! But I'm sure you must've managed somehow!
@adarsh - You forget ME putting up with YOU guys!

Jithu said...

hmm.. another sufferer here.. though the situation was different. and these english men, they are not as hygienic as us Indians, in any ways :-)

silverine said...

@Neil: Never again will I inspire you or any other guy as Poison advises so rightly. And after book tagging me ,couldnt you atleast leave a comment at my valiant attempt at the tag? grrrr

sandeep said...

Hey Neil,
That was vehement brilliant expression of a dirty experience. I can't elaborate further.....

Neil Padayatty said...

@jithu - We're all in the same wild world.
@silverine - Aw, come on! What would I do without you! Oops, about the tag. I thought I'd commented. I'm really sorry. Please don't be angry with me. I promise it won't happen again!
@Sandeep - Thanks man. I expected more adjectives!

Praveen said...

I cant stop laughing at the way you have described this :). Really top stuff.

Raj said...

Your post reinstates that some things are better left unsaid :)

Nishcarter said...

Da Bade can manage anything. Underworld mein sab kuch chalta hai...But to say abt his cleaniness...sometimes he is horrible...cant take it...U know it better than me...

Nishcarter said...

Remember the Podicherry incident...If nt watch the video...haha...

Chote - Tvm Vikings