Is there glory in failure?
I thought I'd write a coming of age novel about how great a person I am. That was the flaw. I didn't write what I should've written. I tried putting in words the image of me that others have. I recognise the greatness of art, now better than ever. I see the reason why it becomes great art. It is about truth and brutal honesty. It is about pouring out the darkest corners of your mind and the fuzzy picture that is formed of the dark and the bright parts of your mind... that that gets to be art. I haven't grown enough as a person to really own up all the things that goes on in my head. I am toiling towards such a time. When that time comes, I'll be released!
My failure to write the novel is a shame for me. Especially after seeking publicity for it through this blog and other means. That was a phony bit in me. There are subtle hints of it left. Or maybe it is big chunks after all and it is my reluctance to admit it. The fact that I'm writing this may hint towards some of it. But, I feel this has to be the way it is done. A conscious attempt towards purifying yourself of all phoniness.
My life took the downward spiral ever since I got obsessed with getting rid of the phoniness in me. I won't say I am better off now, that I did this. But I know if I hold on, redemption is just round the corner.
It is impossible to say just what I mean! - T.S. Elliot